Dating a Martian

Over the past few weeks I have been delving into the world of differences between men and women. My journey has taken me on many different twists and turns, from looking at how both sex's behaved thousands of years ago, to how they behave in today's complicated and not so simple world.

Now before I carry on, let me start with one very important statement. Men and women are equal! this above all else has been made abundantly clear in everything I have read and absorbed. The world in which we live is built from masculine and feminine energies. When the balance is tipped either way, it has a direct influence on how we live our lives. Currently we are living in a world tipped very slightly in the direction of masculine energy, a world driven by material needs and evolution. The balance however, is starting to become even. Feminine energy is growing and we are, once again, understanding the importance of connecting with mother nature, of loving each other without conflict or judgement.

So, how does this effect your Dating? Well, once you start to get your head around masculine and feminine energy. Things start to makes more sense.

David Deida in his book "The Way of The Superior Man" states that it is all about the balance of energy. I am generalising here, but here is my understanding of his writing.

The average man is made up from 80% masculine energy, 10% feminine energy, 10% neutral energy.
The average woman is made up from 80% feminine energy, 10% masculine energy, 10% neutral energy.

Each sex is capable of increasing or decreasing their masculine/feminine energy and will do so frequently throughout the day. Men's feminine energy would increase if he spends time with his children, women's masculine energy would increase if she competes in sport and so on. When we talk about chemistry between a man and a woman, we talk about the balance of sexual energy. If we take a woman who is 80% feminine energy and observe her on a date with a man who is 80% masculine  energy then the likelihood of sexual attraction is high. If we take a woman with 40% feminine energy and 40% masculine energy and put her with the same man. The date may never get off the ground. The testosterone would be way too high, they would probably spend most of the time competing for the power. Men and women work on the same principals as a magnet, opposites attract. If you try to stick two magnets together with their positive sides facing each other, what happens? they repel, they cannot get close or exist in the same place. Try again with opposite sides and you are lucky if you can get them apart again.

Makes complete sense, right? I would that it were that easy.
So we have two people with balanced sexual energy, the sparks are flying and everything is wonderful. But how do two opposites communicate?

To find out we are going to take this down 'Old School'.

Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus.
By John Gray.

"Martians value power, competency, efficiency, and achievement. They are always doing things to prove themselves and develop their power and skills. Their sense of self is defined through their ability to achieve results. They experience fulfilment primarily through success and accomplishment".

"To offer a man unsolicited advice is to presume that he doesn't know what to do or that he can't do it on his own"


"Venusians have different values. They value love, communication, beauty, and relationships. They spend a lot of time supporting, helping, and nurturing one another. Their sense of self is defined through their feelings and the quality of their relationships. They experience fulfilment through sharing and relating".

"Many times a woman just wants to share her feelings about her day, and her husband, thinking he is helping, interrupts her by offering a steady flow of solutions to her problems."

From a mans point of view, this is "nail on the head" time and I am sure that many women out there will be chuckling in acknowledgment. I don't believe I can sum this book up and do it justice, so I am not going to try. But what I have gleaned from it's legendary pages is this. Men and women communicate in very different languages and hold different values. Men are mostly solitary, women are mostly nurturing. Because of these differences when they attempt to communicate there is confusion.

A woman will be telling a man her woe's because she loves him and if he loves her, then he should want to hear (so is the Venusian way).

A man will hear his life's reason telling him she has troubles and he see's that as a clear invitation to problem solve (so is the Martian way).

She feels he is not listening and he feels she is being difficult. All the woman really wants is the man to listen with empathy, reassure her that she has done the right thing. Later he can ask if there is anything he can do to help. All the man wants is to feel needed and adequate, for the woman to listen and appreciate his decision making, not to suggest things he could have done differently. Later she can offer her opinion.

I am sure that you will agree that it is all really interesting stuff, but how does it effect your dating? Well, I believe that once we start to understand what each of us needs in order to relax. Then our dates can be so much more authentic, natural and successful.

I want you to try something out. For one night only, take on your natural role and see how it feels.

Martians, take charge. Listen to her likes and dislikes and find an appropriate venue, be a Gent, open doors, compliment her, take care of the bill and most importantly LISTEN. She is not trying to compare or challenge you, she just wants to share her experiences and understand you.

Venusians, let the men take charge. Now is not your time to organise or nurture, just enjoy the moment and relax into your feminine energy. Listen to his tales of accomplishment without judgement or comparison to your own. He is not trying to dominate you, he is just trying to win your approval (much like a puppy sitting and giving paw)

On a first date, try and keep subjects that are single energy heavy to a minimum. Talking about work exudes masculine energy and while that may make a you feel good, at this initial stage it is more likely to come across as a challenge, especially if she is successful. Allow him his masculine energy at this early stage It will help him relax and feel comfortable and anyway, who wants to talk shop when there are much more interesting things to find out about each other.

What have I learnt from my journey through these amazing books?

Since the 1960's as a race we have been going through a change. The world has been damaged by a millennia of masculine domination, mother nature is tired and weak and our countries are at war. It is now time to allow the Venusian in all of us to grow and come to the surface, we must connect with our planet and with our feminine energy. Learn to love with an open heart, free from judgment, and allow each sex it's differences.

I get married to the worlds greatest Venusian on June 13th this year and I consider myself the luckiest man alive. I will enter my married life with a whole new understanding of how my Venusian needs me to be in order for her to flourish and light up my life.

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